Perspective

Date: 18 July 2011, Weather: Cooler, cloudy, Soundtrack: Mark Farina, Dream Machine

This is my third attempt at this blog. I have been taking some time and writing a lot to get some perspective on this place.

Before I came here I took a lot of time to research Agent Orange, as that is what I believed would be the most confronting and the most challenging. I watched documentaries, spent a lot of time doing Google image searches and reading articles.

I took only a small amount of time researching VPV (Volunteers for Peace Vietnam, the NGO I am working for) and really thought the challenges of the house and of the country would be much easier then dealing with the confronting state of the children.

I did read that it would be challenging with the teachers and the accommodation would be basic, but I arrogantly thought, ah, I have roughed it before, I am sure I can handle this. How wrong was I.

I spent the first week, tired, hungry and disappointed and I was looking for someone to blame for the lack of my own ability to process my surroundings. Because of course, it couldn’t have been my fault. I wanted information and I wanted answers, in my mind, no one had told me what I would be in for. Wrong again. Now that I am here I have taken some more time to read closely the information available and it is all there. The only thing lacking was effort.

I guess the reality of the situation is as a Westerner, or more specifically an Australian, I am used to being taken care of, even when I don’t realise it. My perspective is that I am independent, I can take care of myself, that I am resourceful. Then you come here, and you are completely left on your own, there is no hand holding, there is no one to tell you how to adapt to the new challenges of a developing nation, no one to warn you about house politics, no one to tell you where anything is, and I found myself struggling.

I came here because I wanted to make a difference, I wanted my eyes to be opened, and I wanted to care for kids who are in a situation that is beyond the country’s ability to support. I definitely am getting what I asked for, it has just taken me two and a half weeks to realise it.

As mentioned earlier I spent a lot of time researching the affects of Agent Orange, I was trying to prepare myself for confronting deformities however the information I found is of course, the most shocking and the reality of the situation in most places is vastly different. It turns out working with the kids is the easiest part. Most of the kids are not severely disabled, it’s mostly mental. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still tough, and you want to adopt each and everyone of them, and give them the love and care they deserve, however the real challenges lies beneath the surface.

First of all there is a lack of education and overall interest from the teachers. In Vietnam, the attitude towards someone with a disability is quite shocking for a Westerner. Mostly they are treated as sub-human, like they are only a burden to the family / community, their behaviour is considered naughty and there is no understanding or empathy towards them.

It also appears to us that a lot of children are misdiagnosed with Autism, so they are all lumped together, and treated as if it was the one disability.

At this point in time, there is absolutely no infrastructure for disabled people, physical or mental. It starts with the attitude, and extends to the pavements, access to facilities and treatment available. The Government is hesitant to spend any money in this area. Slowly there are centres like the one I am working at popping up, but again, mostly the teachers / carers are uneducated.

For me it is extremely challenging to deal with this attitude. When I see a young girl bashing her head on the floor or punching herself in the throat, it is obvious I need to try and calm her down, at the very least, stop her from hurting herself. When this happened on Friday, the teachers yelled at me to stop, and eventually they laughed at my concern. Eventually she calmed down somewhat, and all it really took was stroking her hair.

On Friday I had a big win though. I was on my own, as Amelie was ill and Rachel was visiting another orphanage, and I was determined. I decided I was going to get out the paints, make a huge mess and create some smiles. The same teacher who yelled at me for helping the young girl, was completely against me painting with the kids. Apparently this was for the teachers’ son and not all the children. I refused to accept this and insisted on the paints, and asked to speak to the Director when she continued to refuse. After that it didn’t take long for the paint to appear. Well I can tell you, I made a huge mess and some new friends. By the end of it I was covered in paint, the kids were covered in paint and it was a good feeling. Even some of the teachers were smiling.

It was a really good wake up call for me. It’s the same mantra we have been hearing for years, you only get out what you put in. In Australia we apply this to sport, or our job, which is applicable, but it has taken a whole new meaning for me in this country.

At the orphanage down the road, I witnessed this young girl receive physical rehabilitation therapy so hopefully one day, walking will be easier for her, her muscles will develop better and her overall quality of life will improve. She was so determined, and so happy to try anything the physio asked her to do, and the whole time she was smiling. For her to walk normally is super ambitious and is going to take a huge amount of effort over a long period of time.

When I think of her smile and determination all I can think is how I must take a page from her book, so I am 100% dedicated and committed to these kids for the rest of my time here. It is after all about the kids, not about my level of comfort, not about the teachers, but making those beautiful kids smile.